All of my flip-offs this week surround one topic.
Allow me to explain...
I hate running on the treadmill. Ok, I hate running. But I hate the treadmill because really? I am not going anywhere.
I can try to watch TV, but I have to turn it up WAY loud and usually I am not interested enough to take my mind off how I am not going anywhere.
I could listen to some sweet tunes, but again, my eyes work. I can SEE that I am still in the same place, my basement, sweating and hating life. Ok, maybe not LIFE, but definitely running. And definitely the treadmill.
To be honest, I don't even really like walking on that damn thing.
Anyway...where was I going with all this hate? Oh right...
So I found out recently that the anti-depressant that I am on? It doesn't directly CAUSE weight gain, but it makes it REALLY, REALLY hard to LOSE weight.
As in I am spinning my wheels.
I am not going anywhere.
See that picture up there at the top of the post? Yeah. That is how I feel right now.
When I feel like that? I shut down. Other people, STRONGER people, would see that as a challenge and work harder.
Not me. I am such a damn quitter.
I have not run or did my couch to 5k training in over two weeks.
I am depressed about my weight gain. Depressed about my weight. Depressed about my seemingly pointless endeavors to lose weight.
So this is what I am flipping-off this week....
- My weakness. Even if I am not losing weight, why am I such a quitter? I am still planning on DOING the 5k, so why not try to do my best and run? Why give in as a "walker"?
- My lack of self-discipline. At running, at not eating peanut butter m&m's, this list could go on.
- The disappointment that I am causing in others. I HATE disappointing people and that is what I feel like. A giant disappointment.
- My Celexa. I know you help me not yell at people, but you are contributing to my ever-growing pants size. Can't I be slim AND sane?
- Running in general because it is hard and not fun.
- and...for good measure? I am going to flip-off my cat's thyroid. totally unrelated, but it is making him too skinny and that freaks me out and I don't like to be freaked out because it causes me to write in run-on sentences of panic.
I feel mildly better. Not because I got on the treadmill after writing that. Goodness no (I went to bed, if you must know), but because I admitted that I am feeling this way.
Please don't hate me. I WILL be doing the 5K because it is important. That I will NOT give up on!
Ps. there is still time to donate. I have a $500 goal...I realize it may be less appealing to donate thru a giver-uper, but please, the cause is so much greater than my quitter-tude: Here is my pledge page.
Just realized Gigi of Kludgy Mom is indisposed today, so she has the Friday Flip-off's being hosted in the UK! So, now...if you want even MORE flip-offs, head over to Pumpkin and Piglet...she has her own plus a whole LIST of other peeps who are doing the flippity flip to stuff that sucks! And? She is one of the sweetest Brits you will ever meet. So you will want to maybe stay. Just sayin.