Friday, August 20, 2010

Friday Flip-off #5

Hello!!  Welcome to Friday!  Once again I am joining my girl, Kludgy Mom, the genius behind Friday Flip-off's, for some stress relief before the weekend starts.

All of my flip-offs this week surround one topic.

Allow me to explain...

I hate running on the treadmill.  Ok, I hate running.  But I hate the treadmill because really?  I am not going anywhere.

I can try to watch TV, but I have to turn it up WAY loud and usually I am not interested enough to take my mind off how I am not going anywhere.

I could listen to some sweet tunes, but again, my eyes work.  I can SEE that I am still in the same place, my basement, sweating and hating life. Ok, maybe not LIFE, but definitely running.  And definitely the treadmill.

To be honest, I don't even really like walking on that damn thing.

Anyway...where was I going with all this hate?  Oh right...

So I found out recently that the anti-depressant that I am on?  It doesn't directly CAUSE weight gain, but it makes it REALLY, REALLY hard to LOSE weight.

As in I am spinning my wheels.

I am not going anywhere.

See that picture up there at the top of the post?  Yeah.  That is how I feel right now.

When I feel like that?  I shut down.  Other people, STRONGER people, would see that as a challenge and work harder.

Not me.  I am such a damn quitter.

I have not run or did my couch to 5k training in over two weeks.

I am depressed about my weight gain.  Depressed about my weight.  Depressed about my seemingly pointless endeavors to lose weight.

So this is what I am flipping-off this week....
  • My weakness.  Even if I am not losing weight, why am I such a quitter?  I am still planning on DOING the 5k, so why not try to do my best and run?  Why give in as a "walker"?
  • My lack of self-discipline. At running, at not eating peanut butter m&m's, this list could go on.
  • The disappointment that I am causing in others.  I HATE disappointing people and that is what I feel like.  A giant disappointment.
  • My Celexa.  I know you help me not yell at people, but you are contributing to my ever-growing pants size.  Can't I be slim AND sane?
  • Running in general because it is hard and not fun.
  • and...for good measure?  I am going to flip-off my cat's thyroid.  totally unrelated, but it is making him too skinny and that freaks me out and I don't like to be freaked out because it causes me to write in run-on sentences of panic.
 Whew!  There.

I feel mildly better.  Not because I got on the treadmill after writing that.  Goodness no (I went to bed, if you must know), but because I admitted that I am feeling this way.

Please don't hate me.  I WILL be doing the 5K because it is important.  That I will NOT give up on!

Ps. there is still time to donate.  I have a $500 goal...I realize it may be less appealing to donate thru a giver-uper, but please, the cause is so much greater than my quitter-tude:  Here is my pledge page.

UPDATE:
Just realized Gigi of Kludgy Mom is indisposed today, so she has the Friday Flip-off's being hosted in the UK!  So, now...if you want even MORE flip-offs, head over to Pumpkin and Piglet...she has her own plus a whole LIST of other peeps who are doing the flippity flip to stuff that sucks!  And?  She is one of the sweetest Brits you will ever meet.  So you will want to maybe stay.  Just sayin.

15 comments:

Whitney said...

This post is like something I could've written, so rest assured you're not the only one like this!

Thecoffeeqween said...

Nice flip-offs. I gained all the baby weight back when I went back to work after Caleb was born. The self loathing for not having the discipline to stop eating or stay on a fitness plan is wearing my patience.

Kmama said...

Seriously...I could have written this post. Except for the antidepressant...but I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and that seriously hinders my ability to lose weight.

It takes WEEKS of diet and exercise before I see a pound drop off, and usually, by then, I have given up.

designHER Momma said...

I haven't run in 2 weeks either. I don't have a treadmill, so my only hope is to run outside. I justify not running due to the heat, which may or may not be a valid excuse.

I'm banking on Fall coming soon, not so I can go running, but so I can hid myself in jeans and sweaters.

makemommygosomethingsomething said...

Stupid treadmills. I have an eliptical and while it was fun at the time, the scenary does get very uninspiring.
What about running outside with Eddie in the stroller?
PS. We are all allowed to slack off
PPS. Stupid antidepressants

Pumpkin and Piglet said...

I never got on with the treadmill for much the same reason, it was boring. It doesn't help that your meds make it hard to lose weight either. Boredom, frustration and depression are not an easy combination. I'm glad you're still doing the 5k though :)

Tammy P. said...

Oh, ((hugs)) Miss Katie!! Sorry you are feeling discouraged. There are other meds out there besides Celcxa. Have you talked to your dr about trying a different one?

Hang in there, ny friend!

pinkflipflops said...

hahha i think we must be long lost sisters or something! hang in there.

WTH am I Doing? said...

Oh, I am so totally on this page. I've been trying off & on for 4 years to drop my 50 baby pounds. For now, my resolve holds strong - but I've tried & quit several times before now. I'm focusing my frustration on *not* letting all this interfering crap beat me. I've taken it as a challenge...that I'm going to beat senseless, er, I mean, *overcome*! ;o)

Also? I have to mix it up or I get really bored. I have a nice collection of bellydance DVDs, Brazillian samba DVDs, all kinds of fun stuff. I have a short attention span. ;o)

I wish you the best of luck! I completely understand your frustration.

Liz said...

"run-on sentances of panic"............hillarious!

I started c25k around the time you did. You inspired me. I have battled depression for about a year now and thought if you could do it then I could too. C25k is about the only thing I have not quit or gave up on this year. Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day.

MacKenzie said...

I bet you are like me, and will hate running even if you are not on the treadmill. :) And you are beautiful. Whether you think so or not. And I KNOW my brother knows how beautiful you are. And I'm pretty sure his opinion matters more than yours :) (On THIS matter only, of course).

AND. I love the button. Thanks, sister :)

Katrina said...

I agree with the others--you are NOT alone! I too feel like I always give up, start stuff I don't finish, disappoint people, etc. An endless cycle of shame and guilt.

Just remember, every moment is an opportunity to choose anew.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Mama Hen said...

Hang in there with the treadmill. I know it can be quite a bore or challenge to keep going. I need to get on my treadmill. Good for you for keeping it up. Have a great weekend!

Mama Hen

MamaOnDaGo said...

I too hate the treadmill. Always running but not really getting anywhere. Metaphor here.

I have a very strong feeling you're going to do this 5K. I know you will!

Maureen @Tatter Scoops said...

I'm flippin' my lack of exercising will too. Hope you'll have a better week, girl!

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"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying." ~Michael Jordan