First? Because Ann didn't get back to me within 48 hours of being announced the winner (and I couldn't find an email address for her), I drew a NEW winner of the Gussy Giveaway...PINKFLIPFLOPS! You are the new winner! Email me at ksluiter (at) hotmail (dot) com and I will get you hooked up!
Yesterday was a glorious day. It was the kind of day we live in Michigan for. It was a boating/beach day.
We were on the beach for a good four hours before riding back to the marina. It was a rolly, wavy, day, but we loved it.
We all returned home wind blown, a little sandy, and very much exhausted. But very happy. And very grateful to friends who are like our family.
As expected, after his bath, Eddie was WAY tired after missing his nap--save for a snooze on the boat out to the beach and back from the beach. So I rocked him and he was out by 8:00pm.
I popped some popcorn and Cortney and I settled in with our computers and the History channel and some water to re-hydrate us from the big day. All was well.
Until 10:00pm. It started as just a small whimper. Usually if we hear a little moan or whimper it just means he's rolling over and we don't hear another peep.
This time the whimper turned into long, sad moans. I looked up at Cort and said that I would go see what the deal was. I figured he lost his pipey in all his blankies and lovies and just needed it back and maybe also a little pat on the back.
When I walked into his semi-dark room I saw him lying on his back just wailing. He was frantic. He was afraid. And his eyes were still closed.
Bad dream? Night terror? It's hard to tell when they are this small and can't tell you. So I picked him up and tried to give him his pipey and rock him.
He screamed. Terrified wailing screams.
He was shaking. He was gasping for air. He was TERRIFIED.
So I brought him out of his room into the living room where the lights and TV were on. I tried to hand him to Cortney, but he screamed harder. He reached for me. He shook because he couldn't catch his breath.
I took him up in my arms and he put his head down and stopped crying. He was still shaking and gasping for breath, but he wasn't crying.
I thought maybe he could be rocked. We went back into his room and rocked back and forth, back and forth. He quieted. His eyes closed. He clung to his blankie.
I gently set him back in his bed. As I was walking back down the hall? He started screaming again.
Cortney tried this time. Eddie bawled while Cort rocked him. He screamed when Cort tried to lay him down. He bellowed as Cort brought him back out into the living room.
And then he saw me. And reached frantically for me.
I took my little boy. And he quieted. And snuggled down. We hunkered down in my chair together until he fell asleep. Then I took him to his room and rocked for a little while.
He woke up one more time, but Cort was able to sooth him back to sleep for the night.
But you guys? In that terror? He wanted ME. He clung to ME.
Most days he doesn't care which parent has him. He has even had times where he has preferred Cort. But for the first time? He only wanted ME.
Although I had visions of the night being LOONNGG if he didn't stay sleeping and wouldn't let Cortney console him? something in me smiled that my little boy wanted his mommy when he was scared.
It settled something deep inside me that he could only feel safe enough to close his eyes if he was near me. It made the momma in me sing.
This is what I longed for all summer. It is the connection I had hoped to foster with my little boy. It was the one goal on the To Do list that really mattered.
And after last night? I can indubidably say that that goal? Has been checked off the list...and I am quite enjoying it.
And my little boy?
He is MY little boy. And I? Am HIS momma. We have a bond. And it is strong. Indubitably strong.