Sunday, August 29, 2010

He is My Boy

First?  Because Ann didn't get back to me within 48 hours of being announced the winner (and I couldn't find an email address for her), I drew a NEW winner of the Gussy Giveaway...PINKFLIPFLOPS!  You are the new winner!  Email me at ksluiter (at) hotmail (dot) com and I will get you hooked up!

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Yesterday was a glorious day.  It was the kind of day we live in Michigan for.  It was a boating/beach day.

We frolicked in the big waves, soaked up the warm sun, and played on the sandy beach.  We had fun.
We were on the beach for a good four hours before riding back to the marina.  It was a rolly, wavy, day, but we loved it.
 
We all returned home wind blown, a little sandy, and very much exhausted.  But very happy.  And very grateful to friends who are like our family.

As expected, after his bath, Eddie was WAY tired after missing his nap--save for a snooze on the boat out to the beach and back from the beach.  So I rocked him and he was out by 8:00pm.

I popped some popcorn and Cortney and I settled in with our computers and the History channel and some water to re-hydrate us from the big day.  All was well.

Until 10:00pm.  It started as just a small whimper.  Usually if we hear a little moan or whimper it just means he's rolling over and we don't hear another peep.

This time the whimper turned into long, sad moans.  I looked up at Cort and said that I would go see what the deal was.  I figured he lost his pipey in all his blankies and lovies and just needed it back and maybe also a little pat on the back.

When I walked into his semi-dark room I saw him lying on his back just wailing.  He was frantic.  He was afraid. And his eyes were still closed.

Bad dream?  Night terror?  It's hard to tell when they are this small and can't tell you.  So I picked him up and tried to give him his pipey and rock him.

He screamed.  Terrified wailing screams.

He was shaking.  He was gasping for air.  He was TERRIFIED.

So I brought him out of his room into the living room where the lights and TV were on.  I tried to hand him to Cortney, but he screamed harder.  He reached for me.  He shook because he couldn't catch his breath.

I took him up in my arms and he put his head down and stopped crying.  He was still shaking and gasping for breath, but he wasn't crying.

I thought maybe he could be rocked.  We went back into his room and rocked back and forth, back and forth.  He quieted.  His eyes closed.  He clung to his blankie.

I gently set him back in his bed.  As I was walking back down the hall?  He started screaming again.

Cortney tried this time.  Eddie bawled while Cort rocked him.  He screamed when Cort tried to lay him down.  He bellowed as Cort brought him back out into the living room.

And then he saw me.  And reached frantically for me.

I took my little boy. And he quieted.  And snuggled down. We hunkered down in my chair together until he fell asleep.  Then I took him to his room and rocked for a little while.

He woke up one more time, but Cort was able to sooth him back to sleep for the night.

But you guys?  In that terror?  He wanted ME.  He clung to ME.  

Most days he doesn't care which parent has him.  He has even had times where he has preferred Cort.  But for the first time?  He only wanted ME.

Although I had visions of the night being LOONNGG if he didn't stay sleeping and wouldn't let Cortney console him?  something in me smiled that my little boy wanted his mommy when he was scared.

It settled something deep inside me that he could only feel safe enough to close his eyes if he was near me.  It made the momma in me sing.

This is what I longed for all summer.  It is the connection I had hoped to foster with my little boy.  It was the one goal on the To Do list that really mattered.

And after last night?  I can indubidably say that that goal?  Has been checked off the list...and I am quite enjoying it.

And my little boy?

He is MY little boy.  And I?  Am HIS momma.  We have a bond.  And it is strong. Indubitably strong.


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21 comments:

Blair@HeirtoBlair said...

Love this. LOVE.

& you deserve this.

Julia said...

awww... excellent post. seriously fantastic. i love when you feel that bond to your kids! nothing in the world can beat that.


(so sad i didn't win gussy)

alicia said...

Aw, sorry for your night but so sweet all the same. And way to fit in that word. That's a tricky one.

Thecoffeeqwen said...

There is nothing better then your baby locking eyes with you and reaching out for you and only you! I kept Caleb to myself not sharing him like I did Aiden and it took longer for him to do that with me and it hurt. But now when I walk in the door, if I don't pick him up he screams and crawls to me as fast as he can! Congrats mommy!

Sippy Cup Mom said...

Aw, you had me tear up. So so sweet. He loves his mama!

Amanda Brydon said...

I've been following for blog for a while now but never really made a comment on anything because I didn't know if I felt comfortable with commenting on an old teachers personal life stories... but this post I just can't help.

I honestly teared up with this post. I've always seen myself as being a mother when the time is right and when I am ready for it. I can only hope that I can have a bond with my child to has how Eddie showed with you during his terrible night. I'm happy that you've gotten to check off this one off your list and your bond with Eddie has grow. Congrats.

-A.

Raising Madison said...

I'm so glad that you got to feel that emotion of him really wajust wanting you. :) lovely

Al said...

My favorite thing about this post is that you used the word "indubitably" :) It is one of my all time favorite words and I have NEVER seen anyone else use it :) I'm glad you guys had fun!

Mommyfriend Lori said...

Wonderful post and beautiful family!

Maryline said...

I can just say I feel the very same way. When my little boy cries at night, as much as I hate disrupted sleep, I love to comfort him, cuddle with him and rock him.

These special moments, the two of us together in the rocking chair in the middle of the night, will be over much too soon...

Adrienne said...

Oh, I know this one! I remember it! I think I forgot, in all the desperate clinginess of Carter, but with my older two? I loved that for some things, only Mommy would do.

What a lovely feeling. So happy for you!

Katherine at Postpartum Progress said...

So happy to see this post. Good for you!

Amber Page Writes said...

It's the most beautiful feeling in the world, isn't it? Happy for you.

Mungee's Ma said...

What an awesome feeling! I hope you experience it over and over again. Without the terrors, however!

ErinDoobs said...

you made me cry!!! <3

Grace @ Arms Wide Open said...

this is so special. your love for eddie SERIOUSLY shines through when you write about him. Love.

alexis said...

i sometimes complain that my kids will only come to me when they are sick or scared, but in reality, i wouldn't have it any other way. it is an amazing feeling to be just needed by someone who can't even talk.

such a sweet and happy post. thanks katie.

missy widener said...

I know exACTly what you mean. we secretly love that they want us over their daddies no matter how exhausted we are. and I love that you have this bond with eddie. you are such a good mama.

Natalie said...

I TOTALLY get what you mean and also feel the same way. There's something special when they are sick/terrified/not comfy and they want me. It is just a fantastic feeling to be so wanted, and needed. It's the best feeling in the world to be someone's mama!

Miranda said...

And now I am REALLY crying because I so know what you mean in this post, too. When you wrote that this made the momma in your sing, the mama in me sang, too. Because I know that feeling. And that feeling, despite it's pangs of helplessness, is a great feeling.

alyson: Common Sense, Dancing said...

What a sweet post.

Sorry for the night terrors, but so sweet. I love when something so great comes from something-not-great.

Hopped over from WOW!

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