Sunday, October 3, 2010

Just Breathe

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw-huh...
 As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh...
Oh I'm a lucky [woman] to count on both hands
the ones I love...

I work too much.
I worry too much.

I get caught up in the piles and the To Do's.

And because of all this craziness that is suddenly in my life now?  I have learned to slow it WAY down when I am with my family.

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others they've got none, uh-huh.

I am awfully lucky for what I've got.
I not only have an army of people near and far who love me and are concerned for me and my family, but I have the most wonderful, joyful little family right here under my own roof.

Stay with me...
let's just breathe....
This week I moved my laptop downstairs to a little "office" that Cort made for me in the laundry room.  

I cut out my computer time before work.

I don't look at my computer until after Eddie is in bed.

It's been lovely.

Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw-huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh...
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me believe.

We also got served another punch this week when Cort was passed over for a job he was practically guaranteed.  

And so we leaned on each other.

We are finding more quiet moments now that I am so busy.

We are talking more.

We have better discussions.

Stay with me...
you're all I see.
Cortney and Eddie are my rocks.

Cort brings Eddie to school every Wednesday so I will never have a day that I don't see my wee little guy.  

Eddie never cares what our job situations are.  He just loves to love life.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh if I didn't I'm a fool, you see...
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean...
I have been struggling with mom guilt and with wife guilt and with friend guilt and with blogger guilt and with weight guilt.

But my boys?  They just are there.  They are there when I need them.  They listen as I cry.  They laugh when life gets crazy.

We make do.

We celebrate the small moments...even if it's just for 30 minutes after school in my classroom.  We are together.

And I need that.

And I love that.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw-huh...
Everything you gave
And nothing would you take, aw-huh...
Nothing would you take
Everything you gave...

This crazy life has made me realize how lucky I am.

I don't think my boys will ever EVER know how thankful I am for them.

The funny thing is, most of this busyness is FOR THEM.  

And they never complain about me being gone.  Ever.

The house gets cleaned.  The errands get run.  The bills get paid.

With me never saying anything.

I am so very lucky.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see...
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean, ah-ah...

I can't do anything without Cort and Eddie's support.

My buddy turned 15 months in this whirl of madness.  He is babbling, and walking backwards, and doing Ring Around the Rosie's, and climbing on things, and loving books.

His brillance makes me want to be better.

Cortney keeps our house running.  He pays the bills.  He keeps us comfy.  He makes it so Eddie never knows that we are struggling.

He supports my weight loss (I am holding fast at 193, by the way.  But it is good.  Lots of good choices this week).

He does things that aren't his favorite (like family pictures) to make me happy.

He somehow keeps persevering after each rejection because he is strong.

He keeps this family going.

Nothing you would take...
Everything you gave.
Love you til I die...
meet you on the other side.
Together we hold on.  We just breathe.

*lyrics from the song "Breathe" by Pearl Jam

This is also my McFatty Monday post.  Hop on over here for more.

14 comments:

Julie S. said...

What a beautifully written post.

designHER Momma said...

katie,
what you are going through is a really though season, but you are doing it. And honestly, doing it much better than I would be.

Take care, love you all.

Blair@HeirtoBlair said...

You are handling all of this with amazing grace & class.

missy widener said...

My most favoritest post ever. And that image?? Gorgeous and beautiful and makes my heart smile. And so do you with your beautiful words. And you help me get through more than you will ever know. I just love you so.

Maryline said...

Dear Katie, you have to believe in tomorrow.
Cort will find the job that is meant for him, you three will work this out.
There are so many "things" money can't by, from the words of that post, I'd say you may not even need any money at that point -- ok well you do need food and a roof.
Cause all those other wonderful "things"?
Are forever yours, baby.

Rock on, Katie, you've got this.

alicia said...

Well said my friend. Sounds like you are only human like the rest of us, trying ever so carefully to find that balance. Sigh. The life of a mother and wife.

Suniverse said...

Thanks for reminding me to do that. I get swept up and forget that it is those small moments that are important.

We'll all get through this.

Mungee's Ma said...

Beautiful sentiments and beautiful new photo!

LCW @WakingUpWilliams said...

You're gorgeous and if Eddie can look more like you he'd be you!! You're doing a great job, and Eddie loves you regardless of the size of your paycheck, the size on your pants or the amount of time you're away. He loves you no matter what! You and Cortney are wonderfully optimistic.

Kimberly said...

I knew this was Breathe by Pearl Jam in the first sentence. I love this song and would sing it to Chunky. I tear up when it pops up on my iPod.
This post intertwined with the lyrics...is just perfection.
Me love you long time

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

I am so glad you are surrounded by such love, dear one. You are lucky, and you know how lucky you are. Gratitude and appreciation for the wonder and wonderfulness in our lives can carry us through an awful lot, I can tell ya.

Love to you.

Rebecca said...

I have a blog award for you here: http://www.bzzingmom.com/2010/10/my-first-blog-award.html

Rebecca

MommaKiss said...

beautiful post, and the whole wife/mom/friend/blog guilt? hits us all. sometimes it's like a mack truck to me. we deal. we move on. we survive.

Miranda said...

::sigh::

I just want to hug you, friend. I'm so, so sorry for the rough patch you're going through right now. I wish I could make it all instantly better for you both.

Remember that this will pass. Eventually. And you will come out stronger than you thought possible.

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"I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying." ~Michael Jordan