The Virtual Hug

Just a few short days ago, I was in a dark room called postpartum depression (PPD) and I was alone.  There was a door to this room, but I was so afraid of what was on the other side, that I just sat there by myself.  The meds I took allowed me to put the shade up a bit and let some light in, but I was still alone.

Wednesday, my loving husband encouraged me to open the door...to see what was on the other side.  I will forever be in debt to him for this.  It was the best decision I ever made.

I pushed open the door and stood there for a second with my eyes closed.  I was too afraid of what I would see.  Who would be there?  Who wouldn't be there?  How would those who were there be looking at me?  What would they say when they saw me come out THAT door?  The one labeled : PPD?

It took me until Thursday evening to peek my eyes open.  And I was overwhelmed.  I wept.

Standing there with arms wide open was YOU.  You were ALL there.  emails, tweets, comments, facebook messages and comments just flowed in from everywhere.  Some from my family.  Some from my best friends.  Some from people I had never met (but now hope can be my new friends).  All in MASSIVE support of my choice to OPEN THE DOOR.

Some of you were surprised to see me in that door.  Some of you sort of knew it was me back there.  It didn't matter.  You loved me anyway.

I am overwhelmed.  But this time in a good way.  I stepped out into the light.  I felt the warmth.  The love.

Then today...today, I got an extra gift.  Today the network went down at school.  I know, I know, that sounds like a major bummer and a horrible way for a Friday to start.  But wait....

Because the network was down, I couldn't access my email.  Or the internet.  Or any of my desktop drives.  My computer was basically useless.

So while my students took vocabulary quizzes (which are on scantrons that can be zipped through a machine at the end of the day), I attacked the piles.

The piles started to get smaller and more organized.  They became manageable.  They became workable.

And when I got home, there was my little boy and my husband.  They were waiting for me to start our weekend.

The PPD didn't go away.  I will still take my meds tonight and hope for a great day tomorrow like I do every night, but boy oh boy did all of YOU make me feel like I can face those unknown days.  And if I feel like I can't?  I have an ARMY of support waiting to lift me back up and push me back out that door into the world. Pushing me back to myself.

I cannot thank you all enough.

A special bloggy thanks goes to DesignHERmomma for cheering me on behind the door and through the door and on the other side of the door.  She has led me to so many supportive people and warm fuzzies.