Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Back to School Bonanza Guest Post #3: Lori

Today is another guest post day!  Hooray!  Today's post comes complements of Lori at In Pursuit of Martha Points. Lori is one of the funniest, most authentic bloggers out there.  She is honest about how great of a domestic goddess she can be (earning herself some Martha Points) and when she falls short (deducting Martha Points).  She is also heading up a HUGE year-long fundraising project called Project: Purse and Boots to raise money for the American Stroke Association. I am honored to be a part of this fundraising extravaganza coming up next month (stay tune for details about that)!  You will want to follow Lori on twitter the minute you get done reading this.  She is just that awesome.

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The School Day Monologues

When you have children, you offer advice and direction. Instruction, lovingly given, spills forth to ensure health, safety, and optimal learning. It is your duty and your honor to have such responsibility. Your sage words are the essential ingredient to a lifetime of academic success.

Would that your children paid any attention. At all. Ever.

All the directions, all the wisdom, all the energy expended in giving them guidance that runs that gamut from considering a career to not eating paste.

It goes…nowhere.

It bounces off the impenetrable surface of a school-aged child the way good taste bounces off reality TV.

As the degree of imperviousness becomes more and more apparent, the instructions become more fervent, more desperate and more brief in a last-ditch attempt to instill anything at all that might allow your kids to walk the path that stays in school and out of hairnets.

“It’s been a long summer and it takes a little while to get back into the idea of school so I want you to pay attention to your teacher and makes some new friends today.”

“Make sure you’ve got everything in your backpack because it’s frustrating to not have something when you really need it.”

“Why don’t you bring an extra juice box so you don’t get dehydrated from running around all day.”

“I don’t think threatening to blackmail your teacher in order to minimize homework is a good idea.”

“It is really not necessary to bring mace to the orientation session this morning.”

“Don’t try to smuggle the cat to school in your lunchbag!”

“Put that power saw away!!”

“PANTS!!!”

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that the most important pearls of wisdom really do break through their barriers and help them along their way.

My children never actually made it to school without pants.

10 comments:

Suniverse said...

Yeah. I'm heading to "Dress appropriately." as my basic hope for the school year.

alicia said...

Well, huge points to mom for that one. :) They have no idea, but one day they will thank us.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Hey, there's nothing wrong with forgetting pants.

At least not every once in a while.

mindy said...

Yes. Pants are a really good thing. And I'm hopeful that *some* of what I say actually penetrates the stubborn layer of a school-age child's brain. Judging by the nearly vacant gaze of my almost 8 year-old, resilience will be my friend. Great post Lori!
P.S. I'm looking forward to getting to know the "Sluiters." :)
Mindy
www.thesuburbanlife.com

WTH am I Doing? said...

I didn't thank or really listen my parents until I had a kid of my own. Then suddenly? My parents got way smarter. It was amazing!

I always keep extra pants in their backpacks. That way as long as they remember their backpacks? They have pants.

If they forget both backpacks AND pants? The secretary will disavow all knowledge of their existence...

Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli said...

I went to boarding school and my mom saved it all up for the ride back to school after a weekend home. I don't remember what her pearls of wisdom were but I do remember my eyes doing a lot of rolling. I hate that that's where I'm headed.

Natalie said...

I don't have kids in school yet, but I'm guessing pants are kind of a requirement? Or if they aren't, maybe they should be.

Sue Campbell said...

I once almost went to work without pants. Cause I was too busy trying to get the little one ready for school. This may have been this morning.

Sherri said...

Sometimes, just getting them out the door WITH their pants on is a huge accomplishment. The other stuff? Like the icing, I guess....but I still feel obligated to say it all (and then some) to my 12 and 16 year old!

TheNextMartha said...

You have no idea how timely this is. Just this morning I tweeted: I never thought I would have to say "You need to put pants on, you can't just go outside with your penis hanging out." We made it with pants. This time.

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