**CAUTION: this post is me being the most honest I have ever been about my most hated subject: my weight**
I am doing it. I am joining McFatty Mondays.
I have been reading many of my bloggy friends do McFatty Mondays now for a WHILE (including Blair, who came up with this
I didn't want to do it though.
You guys? I watched that dumb vlog of mine. And I wanted to cry at the hot dog that is under my chin and the rolls on my gut.
When did this happen!?!?!
Today I had Cort take pics of me. Caution: these are extremely scary. I almost vom-ed a little in my mouth when I looked at them. But here they are:
When I went in one day before giving birth? My weight was 198. I had only gained 20 pounds. Cort and I had fist bumped because my goal was to keep it under 200 and I did it!
After having Eddie, I lost all 20 of those pounds plus 10 more. See how great I looked....
People? Today I weighed in at 195. ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE POUNDS. that is only 3 less than when I gave BIRTH to a 9.5 pound child.
Cort and I discussed after I wanted to start knifing the fat off that this is what happened....
Before getting pregnant I had decided I need to lose weight. So I hit the gym HARD and bettered my eating habits. I was down to 175ish when I first got pregnant.
I didn't stop when I was pregnant. Well, I did, because I was throwing up and tired all the time, but I also quit all soda, coffee, and junk. I wasn't hungry for any of it anyway, so it was easy to quit. I actually continued to lose weight the first couple months of pregnancy.
After the first trimester, I started walking again. And the only snacks I had were fruit and the OCCASIONAL jelly belly.
I did so great.
After Eddie was born? I lost all the weight. I truly think it's because I was so sore, tired, and overwhelmed that food did not sound good to me for over a month after he was born.
I didn't start to notice weight going back ON my body until after Christmas. And then it was just a small amount. I promised myself I would get back into shape once my crazy schedule chilled out.
But I didn't. What I did was start anti-depressants. That had a side effect of weight gain.
Couple that with not eating the best foods and doing zero exercise and I had a bit of a problem.
I tried running this summer. I really did. My knee injury did not help the quest for exercise. And then with me being the crazy quitter that I am, I never really got back on the training wagon like I should have.
That being said, next week's 5K is going to be more of a run/walk than a run.
So now that I weigh the same as I did when I gave birth, I hate myself. Ok, I don't hate my WHOLE self, but I am really, REALLY mad and disappointed with what I have let happen.
I am so driven to succeed in every other area of my life...why can't this be one too?
And that is how I ended up on McFatty Monday.
Every Monday I hope to share my failures and my celebrations (please, please let there be more celebrations than failures!). I'll share what works and where my pitfalls are.
Right now I know that regular exercise just can't be fit into the schedule, but that doesn't mean I am not going to try to be healthier.
So...here I go.